National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
When someone is living with depression they just feel like no one loves them or cares about them at all. I still have depressing times even now but I was in a real bad depression for three years before. I had spent a year and a half taking care of my dad when he had a brain tumor. I cared for him with all the strength I had. I forced myself to be as happy as possible during that time. It is something I wish on no one. I am glad I could be there for my dad and I would do it all over again if he needed me. I have no regrets from being there for him.
After the loss of my dad I went into a deep depression. It was awful. I could tell that I was not the same person I used to be. It was like there was two of me one here and one looking from the inside out. A strange feeling for sure.
My family tried to be around me as much as possible and for that I’m thankful but it didn’t seem to matter. Even while they were around I felt alone. Like the whole world had left me to bare this burden all be myself. Part of me knew the truth was they were here to help but the other part just couldn’t comprehend that fact.
My friends came around more often than normal. Checking on me and trying to help me get over the loss. Not even my friends could pull me back from this state of mind. I could sense how different I was but I just felt miserable. I felt like I was in a cage and had no freedom. No matter how many people were with me I was always alone and sad.
Some of them even tried to convince me to go to the doctor. I’m still not sure if I should have or not but I didn’t. That may be why it has taken me so long to come out of this evil depression. It just takes a hold of you like a bear clawing at its next meal and tears you from the inside out. And you can do nothing but stand there and take it. Shortly after it really sets in the pain is even physical sometimes. You can’t sleep, eat, or think good. I started forgetting things that I knew I should know. Like people’s names and places I went all the time. Some people couldn’t help but laugh at me because it was crazy. I would even laugh sometimes too. I would laugh till I cried because the truth would set in that I, no matter how hard I tried, could not remember the simple things in life. Not even things I do all the time. It was embarrassing and heartbreaking.
I still have trouble with the remembering part sometimes.
I felt as if everyone had forgotten about me even the Lord. I even thought about suicide a time or two. I am glad my friend was there for that for sure. He talked me out of it and set with me till I came to my senses as best I could. Depression is not a joke or anything to laugh at any time. It really hurts people immensely. Your body and mind goes to its last limits of disgust and anger. Sometimes you feel like you’re going to burst. Then it turns to sadness and you can only cry yourself to sleep. To do this you want to be alone as well because you think others will talk about you. Even if they wouldn’t. All kinds of thoughts race through your brain like why am I still living, where are my friends, or why can’t I do this because I know I loved doing it before. You can’t bring yourself to find the answers.
I feel sorry for anyone living with depression because I have been there. Anyone that thinks this can not turn into a disease I hope they never have to find out. Because to find out what this feels like one would have to experience it first hand. I don’t believe you can really tell anyone what living with depression is like because it changes your moods so much. You are in a constant state of confusion. Most of the time loneliness and sadness. Talking doesn’t always help either not even with your best friend or close family members.
So if you are going through depression of any kind, mild or deep please try to get help and talk with someone. It could help you. Even if it doesn’t at least don’t try to go it alone. That may have been the dumbest thing I could have done. I am starting to fell better now. But honestly I know what you are going through and its not a pretty sight. Depression can hurt or kill us but I’m begging you not to let it take over your life. You will miss out on so much when this happens. There’s no turning back time so if depression has a hold on you BOOT IT OUT NOW! Whatever you can do to get happy again give it a try because then you can say you have won.
It will not be an easy task believe me I know. The trials that come with depression are great and powerful. The evil will try to consume you and it will for awhile. Just don’t let it be the winner because whom ever you are I think you are worth a lot to someone. It may be a brother, sister, dad, mom, or a friend but they think the world of you and you have to be there for them as well. So don’t give in and don’t give up you can beat this disease called Depression.