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Feeling empty and alone and the grieving process
feeling empty and alone after a bereavement is a very common experience and something that everyone in the world either has or indeed will have to contend with at some point in their lives. However, despite its overwhelming prevalence; it remains a highly taboo subject.
People are often uncomfortable around people who are grieving and this is reflected in the language and attitudes that are exhibited in response. Specifically; people are often advised to “just move on” and “get on with things”. Their feelings dismissed, their pain trivialized: they are left alone and afraid.
People wrongly assume that the grieving process (and yes, it IS a process people) can be sped up or manipulated/controlled in someway. Nothing could be further from the truth, and just like vomiting, breathing or excreting waste; we just have to wait for the process to finish by itself.
Be truthful to yourself
Many people think that if they dwell on their grief, this will in effect trigger the process to last for a longer period of time. In reality, ignoring your grief and ignoring feeling empty and alone is a counterproductive idea in the long run.
If you truly want to stop feeling empty and alone, then you need to acknowledge your feelings as opposed to running away or denying them. Be truthful and candid with yourself. You have suffered a loss of someone you deeply cared for. It is entirely natural you would mourn their loss.
Another damaging myth that exists in the context of feeling empty and alone is the erroneous premise that if a person does not break down into floods of tears or show some grandiose, flamboyant sign of grief then this means they did not truly care for the decedent.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone is different and everyone will approach the grieving process in their own unique and specific way. The mere fact that tears are not shed would merely suggest that the grieving person is numb to the reality of the situation.
Another common misconception is the notion that grief and feeling empty and alone should have a time limit. Some people state a year, others still go for longer or shorter periods of time. The reality of the matter is that grief is not something that is readily quantifiable or measurable.
Therefore, it is neither possible nor indeed appropriate to attempt to impose some sort of schedule upon it or expiration date.