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An Article to Comfort the Desperate and Sad
I always on everything when I was younger. In fact, up until this year, I could still find the good in every negative situation. When I became depressed, though, everything changed dramatically. I cant explain how confused I was. Nothing had happened to make me feel the way I did; it really just came out of nowhere. Being a person who looks to logic for explanation, I was not only depressed and confused, but irritated. I kept thinking,
I had always had the power to change my attitude about almost anything. If I wanted to like something, I would; if I wanted to have a good day at work, I would. But for the first time in my life, I was totally helpless. My power of mind had failed me. I was totally screwed. Suddenly, nothing was good or fun, or even worth doing. My favorite things seemed boring, and everything else seemed pointless.
For some reason, every song that I would hear would be sad to me…and not just , but completely tragic. Every television show or movie seemed terrifying to me. My stomach would be filled with adrenaline constantly for fear of what someone might say (knowing it would be the saddest thing I’d ever heard). Everything was so black, so endless, and so impossible. I had become something I never wanted to be. I felt so distant from myself and everyone else. I wasn’t me anymore, and I think that made me even more scared. Soon, my dreams became intensely vivid and insanely violent. Up until then, I had never experienced such gruesome or realistic dreams. There was always so much blood- more blood than my eyes had ever seen, even in the sickest of gory movies. I would wake up so afraid, and almost completely unable to breathe. It was a miserable existence that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I am currently back to normal. Actually, I’m better than normal. In fact, I’ve never been better. As much as I could thank drugs for helping me out, I want to give most of the credit to having a positive life situation. As much as I didn’t realize it at the time, I had a lot on my plate. My way of describing it is to say I had 999 problems or worries hiding in my brain that I ignored; but when the big 1,000 hit, it hit like a high-speed head on collision that I happened to be in the middle of- unprotected. But after all of that, I didn’t lose myself after all. It seems that my true self was always there, I just needed a lot of love to make her show her face again. The , and they are my angels.